As a child I was
too pampered. Being the youngest among three siblings, I got undue attention of
not only my parents but elder sisters as well. Now when I sit to introspect and
come across myself, what I see scares me. Hardships in growing years are
painful but getting to grow up in a bed of roses is no better. I actually feel I am a survivor of the “life
is a dream world syndrome”. The blow to my existence came with the sad demise
of my father. I suddenly realized that sadness can cast its menacing shadow even
over my picture perfect life. The loss of my father created lack of confidence
in me, to an extent that I till date fear driving. The fear of losing near and
dear ones started haunting me and even today casts a jeopardizing spell over my
existence.
Life moved on
and I kept pretending to be perfect. But deep down in me there was someone who
was shattered and trembling and always demanded hand-holding. I never shared this
deep secret dullness of the innermost part of me with anyone. I pretended to be
very strong (well may not actually be pretending). I would get pissed off at
the slightest harsh words, at the slightest humiliation. I did not understand
why the world was no longer perfect. Being a working woman, corporate politics,
boss bias etc. are a part of my daily life. But then how to deal with a
situation which is so normal to the world but a looming crisis to me?
My crisis angel
is my husband, my best friend and guide. He is the only person in the world
with whom I could share my trouble. A generally impatient person by nature but
astonishingly patient and always all ears to my, self-made torment revelations.
He who otherwise seems so unmanaged and childish while dealing with daily
chores soothes my wrath with so much ease and brings me back to myself.
I am generally a hard working person but a
slightest disapproval from my boss shatters my inner being. I cannot sleep and
get over it. I always fear hurting others feeling and even a small harsh word
to anyone torments me to the core. There remains no quietude within me. The
reverse is also true; a little act of love, some sweet words of appreciation leave
me ecstatic.
My husband
Avishek has always showed me the reality, the brighter side of life. He day in
and day out helps me deal with my pessimism. I lead a normal life and am actually
may be strong. But the crisis of my life exists within
me, whatever may be its origin. My fear of the worst! Avishek through all these
years have always pulled me out whenever I sank into untold depths of
depression. The world knows my happy
face indeed because of him.
Aritra Chakrabarty Sengupta
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