Saans-Bahu Relationship and the cliche

Women Empowerment

Today we talk of Women Empowerment and demand an equal status for both the genders. We want to swipe off the cliché thinking of it’s a man’s world. No, no more! It must transform to a world for all. But then when we mouth so much of protest to get to a reformed society, don’t you think it is high time we women introspect a bit? And I believe it is also a part of empowerment and enlightenment together.

Talking of woman, one thing has always appeared intriguing to me and that is the cloud of discomfort surrounding a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. As if it is one dreadful thing, every female is uncomfortable about. But my question is why? To all my readers who are daughter-in-laws or mother-in-laws, can anybody quench my desire to get a breakthrough through this untouched, unspoken subject of human relationship and get a proper answer? I am waiting and eagerly. In the mean while, why don’t I share my opinions? What say?

Me with my mother-in-law

The good news is, I am a daughter-in-law but the bad news is I share a lovely relationship with my mother-in-law and hence my eagerness intensifies. I, in my experience could not actually get a proper answer. I believe we have our share of disagreements and misunderstandings like any normal relationship, then what is the fuss about? What is different? I will answer my own question, stats show that more domestic violence towards the bride is done by mother-in-law than husband. And the reverse is also true. Why this hatred, why this aggression?

Is the answer insecurity? I guess it is. When we think of a few generations back, the picture that comes to our mind is “Man going out to work, woman staying at home to raise a family”. Offcourse this scenario holds good to a great extent even today, but not as profoundly omnipresent as it was then. Today a girl gains education not to get a good groom but to aim great professional establishments. Earlier a woman would get married and try to get the meandering attention of her husband, because her social, economic and hence emotional security depended on him. Afterall he was the bread-earner. With time and age, the attention would shift to her son and all her activities would be centred to seek his attention and love. And then a new woman would enter into her son’s life and mark the beginning of a lifelong battle of gaining precedence over each other.

But then when we woman suffer from such emotional insecurities with each other, how can we stand and raise voice in monotone? Women Empowerment is not a fad, it’s a fight for reverence and it’s a fight for equality. And will not end soon, it has just began. So before we women, decide to voice our demands, we need to voice our insecurities and come out of it with élan. And this change will come from literacy and employment. As they say “an idle brain is a devil’s workshop”. Women need to channelize their qualities and indulge in productivity. Instead of giving business to the bullshit kitchen politics depicting “Saans Bahu Sagas”, and investing money in buying those embellished sarees and accessories, they should employ their virtues to build a productive reform in them. And once women are not centred around the kitchen, once they are self-reliant, scenarios can change. Because no longer will it be their prime focus to come to the good books of the men in the family, they will have a bigger horizon to spread their wings of life.

A still from some Saans Bahu Saga

So I believe the first step to woman empowerment is educating them. And reduce their dependency on others. The direct outcome will be a confident nation, where women will not be known for cat fights and domestic violence, but for their virtues as competent and confident humans. I know it’s a distant dream, but we can start in our own little way, by say, imparting knowledge to our domestic helps. If each of us strive, an outcome is inevitable. And then each woman will learn to acknowledge their position themselves and respect each others space and retain harmony.

Aritra Chakrbarty Sengupta